Why won't he stop snoring? A partner's guide to loud snoring.

Living with a loud snorer is exhausting, and it is rarely solved by an elbow in the ribs. Snoring is not a habit or a choice — it is the sound of a narrowed airway, and the person making the noise is usually the last to know how bad it is.

Why it is often worse in men

Men tend to carry more weight around the neck and have a longer, more collapsible upper airway, so snoring is both more common and typically louder. Alcohol in the evening, sleeping on the back, nasal congestion, smoking and weight gain all make it worse. Age matters too: the muscle tone that holds the airway open decreases over time.

Protecting your own sleep

In the short term, earplugs, white noise, going to bed a little earlier than your partner, and — without shame attached — separate rooms on the worst nights are all reasonable. Chronic sleep loss in the non-snoring partner is a real health issue, not an inconvenience to be tolerated indefinitely.

What to ask him to try

Side sleeping, no alcohol in the few hours before bed, treating a blocked nose, and a consistent bedtime help many people within days. A fitted mandibular advancement device from a dentist can help where jaw position is the cause. These are worth trying, but they are not a substitute for finding out what is actually happening overnight.

The signs that mean testing, not remedies

You are often the best witness. If you have noticed him stop breathing, gasp or choke, snore loudly every night regardless of position, wake with headaches, fall asleep easily during the day, or struggle with blood pressure, that combination suggests obstructive sleep apnoea rather than simple snoring.

Sleep apnoea is common, treatable and linked to high blood pressure, heart disease and stroke when it is left alone. It is diagnosed from a recording of breathing during sleep. A home sleep test can be done in your own bed in one night, with a clinician reviewing the recording and a phone call afterwards explaining the result and the next step. For many couples it is the conversation that finally moves things forward.